The All Done Club

In the world of BRCA mutants there is a little thing called "The All Done Club"

I am now happily a member.  

It means you have decided to have surgery to prevent dying from hereditary breast and ovarian cancers by having your Ovaries, Fallopian Tubes and Breasts removed.

Once your surgeries are finished you are "All Done"

None of that is easy on the best of days.

I made a few detours on my way to the all done club by being diagnosed with stage 1 fallopian tube cancer.  So being "All Done" almost had a whole other meaning.

As in DONE.

Not going to lie, that haunts me and will continue to haunt me everyday.  

But the best part of the "All Done Club"

is just that...I am finished with all this cancer business and ready to move on with my life after 2 years worth of detours and frankly, huge personal growth.

I am not the person I used to be.

Cancer has aged me.  I'll admit it.  I don't take my life for granted anymore.  I'm just happy to be here!

I am still recovering from diep flap surgery.  I hit a little detour there as well.  I developed a hematoma on one breast.  But it is resolving nicely, just not as quickly as I'd like.

I'm also looking at my first mother's day without my mom.

Geez, I can't even type that without tearing up.

I guess it's all just part of the journey

STOP...go directly to jail...do not pass go

Do not collect 200.00

Ahhhhh

What an interesting few months it has been.

First the jail part.

Well, I didn't actually go to jail.  But I was pulled over for blowing off a stop sign in the very small metropolis of Double Oak,  Texas.  Why was I in Double Oak?  Because I decided to take the long way home from the grocery store to see the miniature donkey farm.

Have you ever seen a little donkey?

SO cute.

Anyhow I got a nice 210.00 ticket for missing the stop sign near the little donkeys.  I've been told by others this is a common occurrence and they probably make a decent amount of money on that particular stop sign.  

My sister and I thought perhaps we could earn the money back by selling t shirts outside the courtroom (which FYI only meets the third Thursday of the month at 6pm) that read:

"I paid 210.00 to see a little ass in Double Oak Texas"

Now for the do not pass go....

Living life after cancer means being hypersensitive to any sign the cancer beast has returned.  Recently I started to experience urinary frequency and pain.  I tried to ignore it and hoped maybe it would go away.  But then realized...yes, this is one of *those* symptoms associated with my cancer.  So I went in for more testing.  

It's a really interesting day when finding out you have a UTI is great news...as it isn't cancer and I'm not neurotic.  

Now the 200.00...

I have been plugging along with filling my breast expanders.  I think I am close to where I want to eventually be.  I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon in a week to confirm and go over the details for surgery.

While I am happy about all of that, even though I feel like I have flotation devices embedded in my chest right now..

There is a great sadness on my horizon.

We placed my mother on hospice care 2 weeks ago.  She has fought a valiant battle against COPD for several years.  I can only hope and pray we can make her as comfortable as possible in the time she has left.

The Other Side of the Mountain

I had a double mastectomy 11/19.  Hopefully preventative, although we don't get the full pathology report back till tomorrow. The past week has been filled with drugs of every type.  Since I gag just hearing the word "Morphine" I had a lovely epidural in addition to my IV pca pump along with lots of good anti nausea meds for good measure.  My pain levels have been tolerable, but some of the dreams have been a little disconcerting.  I've had several conversations with my dad (who died 8 yrs ago), worked on policy and procedure protocols I can no longer recollect.  Some days I just plain lost track of what day it was,  and frankly didn't even care.

I've been better since I've gotten home.  Taking my meds by mouth and dealing with the 4 drains attached to me.  I'm hoping to shed one, two (or more!) of those drains in the next few days.

In terms of my breasts.  I have small adolescent breasts, no nipple, larger suture lines with hard-ish expanders underneath.  I've been told they look like they're supposed to.  SO for now I guess that will do.

One think I do know for sure is that as soon as I am free of these drains I will be shopping for any kind of blouse or dress I could NOT wear due bra requirements.

Because I now have NONE.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

A Fond Farewell

The time is quickly drawing near for the first of my breast surgeries. I will be having a double mastectomy on Thursday Nov. 19th.  

Naturally this has been a hard decision.  Not that I need my breasts or that they define who I am.  But they are a part of my body that for most say 

"Woman"

When I knew I was going to lose my hair to chemo, a wise friend told me that my hair did NOT define who I was.  I took that thought to heart.  I still do.  Although this time it's my breasts.

Be it my wedding day

or feeding my babies

My breasts have been a large part of my life.

But none of that defines me.

So it is with sadness I say goodbye to a part of me that has taken me from 

"crayons to perfume"

It makes me cry.

Not going to lie. 

How does my garden grow?

Or rather my hair grow?

It's starting to come back...more like duck down or peach fuzz

But I have some baby hair coming in ...and lashes...and eyebrows!

I'm still looking a little alien-ish but you can see my progress :)

I've also been actively working on getting my strength back, which means exercise and physical therapy in addition to some medication (lyrica) to decrease the neuropathy I have from chemo.

My therapists and docs say nerves come back very slowly so I have a year or two to feel better.  After that, whatever neuropathy I have left is mine to keep.

I am hoping to keep NONE of it. Because I am just that stubborn

I sometimes think dealing with the aftermath of cancer is just as hard as the diagnosis.
It seems even though I'm done with chemo, every week brings some sort of new doctor appointment or test.  While I know I need to follow up with all these various appointments... cancer is a full time job, even after treatment.

Next week is my 6 month mammogram and breast surgeon appointment.
I wish I could study, because that is one test I do not want to flunk

So here's hoping the next week is uneventful as far as medical testing
so I can get back to growing my hair and PT.

Letting go

Tomorrow I am having my port removed.

While my minion has served me well in kicking cancer's ass, my doctor feels I'm cured and no longer need it.

So Yeah! 

Out it comes!

I have to confess I am a little ambivalent.

I feel like my port removal is like tempting fate for a recurrence 

BUT

I need to remember my port does not have magical powers to prevent cancer.

So out it comes tomorrow...

And I have some nice platinum blond (grey) fuzz growing in..

Biological Tick Tock

Back in my 30's everyone was concerned with their biological clock.  Which meant having babies.  If you were 35 unmarried and had not had children surely everyone in a 10 mile radius could actually "hear" your clock ticking.

Interestingly I feel a bit similar right now.

Of course my kids are older, and the clock I can hear ticking has nothing to do with babies.

My clock is ticking with the hope I will NOT get another cancer before I can prevent it.

Confused?

When I discovered my mutation the thought was to remove my ovaries and tubes first THEN do breast surgery to remove the risk of breast cancer.

Currently I'm on plan B

Found cancer early...treated it.

Hope to hell I can recover from chemo...and beat the clock before I am diagnosed with breast cancer.

I *could* be zen and say "Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be"

But I think I'd need some better drugs or a nice grey goose cosmo (or 3)

to get me there.

When it comes to my BRCA mutation I'm a believer.

Cancer?  Is not an if...it's a when.

Tick...tick...tick...

Crossing the Finish Line

Coming up to my last round of Chemo

I have to say when I was diagnosed in August hearing I would be undergoing 6 rounds of Chemotherapy over the course of the next 18 weeks...

Seemed like FOREVER.

I'm pleased to say it's almost over.

I'm somewhat ambivalent about it.

I mean I am thrilled to have gotten through it.  So happy it's over.

But it opens yet another chapter in my life.

The chapter of Survivor

Which means follow up appointments every 3 months to check for a recurrence

It means checking off "Cancer" every time I have to fill out a health related form.

Gotta say that is all hard to think about right now.

One thing I have learned as a cancer patient is to strive for 2 words everyday.

BE HAPPY

Life is just too short not to be happy.

Some days it's easy to be happy, other days I have to work at it.

About 26 years ago I was on vacation in Mexico with a good friend

 (I'm looking at you Callahan) 

We ended up surviving a category 5 hurricane.

We learned a lot from the experience

That perhaps taking your passport when you're evacuated was a better choice than say

...your make-up and curling iron.

In the midst of all of the chaos the song 

"Don't Worry..Be Happy" was popular.  

Although we rolled our eyes every time it played, while we were stuck in post hurricane Cancun, it did somehow make us feel better.

I think I can make a connection between surviving a Cat. 5 hurricane and Cancer.

Both are scary and life threatening.

However worrying doesn't do anything but make you feel bad.

 I am a master worry-er

So fighting cancer I learned to quit worrying so much and start enjoying life more

Looking forward to breaking up with my BFF Roberta the Chemo IV pump on Monday.

She's gotten a little too clingy.

Looking forward to being a SURVIVOR.