The All Done Club

In the world of BRCA mutants there is a little thing called "The All Done Club"

I am now happily a member.  

It means you have decided to have surgery to prevent dying from hereditary breast and ovarian cancers by having your Ovaries, Fallopian Tubes and Breasts removed.

Once your surgeries are finished you are "All Done"

None of that is easy on the best of days.

I made a few detours on my way to the all done club by being diagnosed with stage 1 fallopian tube cancer.  So being "All Done" almost had a whole other meaning.

As in DONE.

Not going to lie, that haunts me and will continue to haunt me everyday.  

But the best part of the "All Done Club"

is just that...I am finished with all this cancer business and ready to move on with my life after 2 years worth of detours and frankly, huge personal growth.

I am not the person I used to be.

Cancer has aged me.  I'll admit it.  I don't take my life for granted anymore.  I'm just happy to be here!

I am still recovering from diep flap surgery.  I hit a little detour there as well.  I developed a hematoma on one breast.  But it is resolving nicely, just not as quickly as I'd like.

I'm also looking at my first mother's day without my mom.

Geez, I can't even type that without tearing up.

I guess it's all just part of the journey

STOP...go directly to jail...do not pass go

Do not collect 200.00

Ahhhhh

What an interesting few months it has been.

First the jail part.

Well, I didn't actually go to jail.  But I was pulled over for blowing off a stop sign in the very small metropolis of Double Oak,  Texas.  Why was I in Double Oak?  Because I decided to take the long way home from the grocery store to see the miniature donkey farm.

Have you ever seen a little donkey?

SO cute.

Anyhow I got a nice 210.00 ticket for missing the stop sign near the little donkeys.  I've been told by others this is a common occurrence and they probably make a decent amount of money on that particular stop sign.  

My sister and I thought perhaps we could earn the money back by selling t shirts outside the courtroom (which FYI only meets the third Thursday of the month at 6pm) that read:

"I paid 210.00 to see a little ass in Double Oak Texas"

Now for the do not pass go....

Living life after cancer means being hypersensitive to any sign the cancer beast has returned.  Recently I started to experience urinary frequency and pain.  I tried to ignore it and hoped maybe it would go away.  But then realized...yes, this is one of *those* symptoms associated with my cancer.  So I went in for more testing.  

It's a really interesting day when finding out you have a UTI is great news...as it isn't cancer and I'm not neurotic.  

Now the 200.00...

I have been plugging along with filling my breast expanders.  I think I am close to where I want to eventually be.  I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon in a week to confirm and go over the details for surgery.

While I am happy about all of that, even though I feel like I have flotation devices embedded in my chest right now..

There is a great sadness on my horizon.

We placed my mother on hospice care 2 weeks ago.  She has fought a valiant battle against COPD for several years.  I can only hope and pray we can make her as comfortable as possible in the time she has left.

Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Week- it's more than just awareness

September is ovarian cancer awareness month.  October is breast cancer awareness.  Straddling both months is Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Awareness week.

September 27th to October 3rd.

Throughout the last 2 years I have felt guided on this wild journey.  A journey that started with a crazy move from Connecticut to Texas continued with finding out I was BRCA 1+ and then discovering stage 1 fallopian tube cancer.

While I'm very sure there is a higher power at work here.  It has also made me incredibly aware of the power of my family and those that went before.

I acutely felt the loss of my grandmother and aunts taken way before their time.  The birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings...the lives they missed.

I feel so blessed to have the knowledge they did not.  

So while we paint everything in teal and then in pink.

I often think of the fallen.  I thank them for the knowledge that saved my life.  I wished they'd lived longer.  I wish I had known them.  

Ease on down the road

 

I celebrated another birthday over the weekend. One thing about surviving cancer?  I don't care about getting older anymore.  It's a option I almost didn't have. So more birthdays...is always a GREAT thing!

I'm finally feeling normal again. Also good.  

Sure, I still have some neuropathy in my feet, but I have a feeling that may just be the new normal for me.  But more importantly my stamina is coming back. For the past year getting to work and back was just about all I could handle. Now I am focused on some work projects, home projects, traveling and perhaps a new hobby...writing.

And it all feels good.  

Really good.

I've also decided to get moving on my next set of surgeries.  I had an appointment last week with my new plastic surgeon. I have started the process of having  preventative mastectomy surgery in November with reconstruction to follow next spring.

The whole thought of "preventative" surgery makes me cringe a little.  Since that was how my ovarian cancer was discovered.  Yes it was preventative...it prevented me from dying. .  

Hoping this time will be different.  But if they find cancer, they find it early.

I may be the poster child for that :)

I have to admit the thought of losing my breasts is hard.  I am struggling with it.

But today when I was shopping I realized I have had to work my wardrobe around my breasts since I was 15.  Being large breasted is truly a pain...in the chest.

So here's to preventative surgery...whatever it may prevent.  Cancer or death.  Perhaps both?

And here's to wearing cute bras without massive support, camisoles with thin straps and backless shirts.  

Silver lining?  CHECK!

Maybe even a rainbow...

Russian Roulette...BRCA style

About every three months my brain hits a major speed bump.  That's because I have an appointment for some sort BRCA/cancer related testing.

It feels like a giant game of Russian Roulette

Where you hope to god you hear a "click" and not a "bang"

I try hard not to think about these appointments too much.  After all there is really nothing I can do about them except do the testing and pray.

On top of the "scanxiety" are the mundane factors of...making sure your insurance covers the testing and getting pre authorization for testing.

I've also discovered I am now claustrophobic.  Making MRIs a challenge.  I am hoping I'll get through it with some good drugs on board.  Last year my breast MRI made me so claustrophobic I was nauseous for a day after.  

So yes, I am doing everything I can to screen for early cancer. 

Tomorrow, I am hoping to celebrate a "click"

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Who's the fairest of them all?

Hmmm  probably not me.  But things have been moving along in my post chemo world

Firstly...I have hair!  It's coming in nice and thick.  I feel a bit like a calico cat because it is blonde, brown and grey...perhaps I can call it bronze?

My eyebrows and eyelashes are also growing back.  My eyelashes while plentiful are now short without a curl to them.  

I've tried several different mascaras including those with fibers to help lengthen them with no luck.  They simply look like..dead spiders

Not even kidding :(

So what's a girl to do?

Get lash extensions...that's what.

I'm not a girly girl so I'll admit I have never even thought about false eyelashes.  But after talking to a friend, I decided to look into it.

Perhaps use a groupon to a local eyelash salon with excellent ratings.  

I have to say once I relaxed the process was easy and I love the end result

Before:

After:

Much better!

Dancing with NED

I went for my 6 month post chemo follow up appointment today.  Thankfully everything seems to be normal so I am still "dancing with NED"

NED is cancer slang for "no evidence of disease"

The weeks leading up to my appointment were busy and stressful.

I started feeling more anxious about some vague symptoms I was having.

The more I worried, the more stressed I was and then the symptoms seemed to be worsening.

Easy to see how this can get out of control very fast.

I was also worrying alone. Because I didn't want anyone to worry about me.

One day a friend asked how I was...and well, it all just came tumbling out.

She encouraged me to call my doctor and do my blood work early.  

So I did.

My Ca125 levels are lower than they were 3 months ago.

Incredibly good news!

Turns out trying to eat more fruits and veggies was most likely the reason I was feeling more bloated.

So I'll just keep dancing...even my husband likes me dancing with NED

And remember...

"No One Puts Baby in the Corner"

Damn I miss Patrick Swayze!