STOP...go directly to jail...do not pass go

Do not collect 200.00

Ahhhhh

What an interesting few months it has been.

First the jail part.

Well, I didn't actually go to jail.  But I was pulled over for blowing off a stop sign in the very small metropolis of Double Oak,  Texas.  Why was I in Double Oak?  Because I decided to take the long way home from the grocery store to see the miniature donkey farm.

Have you ever seen a little donkey?

SO cute.

Anyhow I got a nice 210.00 ticket for missing the stop sign near the little donkeys.  I've been told by others this is a common occurrence and they probably make a decent amount of money on that particular stop sign.  

My sister and I thought perhaps we could earn the money back by selling t shirts outside the courtroom (which FYI only meets the third Thursday of the month at 6pm) that read:

"I paid 210.00 to see a little ass in Double Oak Texas"

Now for the do not pass go....

Living life after cancer means being hypersensitive to any sign the cancer beast has returned.  Recently I started to experience urinary frequency and pain.  I tried to ignore it and hoped maybe it would go away.  But then realized...yes, this is one of *those* symptoms associated with my cancer.  So I went in for more testing.  

It's a really interesting day when finding out you have a UTI is great news...as it isn't cancer and I'm not neurotic.  

Now the 200.00...

I have been plugging along with filling my breast expanders.  I think I am close to where I want to eventually be.  I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon in a week to confirm and go over the details for surgery.

While I am happy about all of that, even though I feel like I have flotation devices embedded in my chest right now..

There is a great sadness on my horizon.

We placed my mother on hospice care 2 weeks ago.  She has fought a valiant battle against COPD for several years.  I can only hope and pray we can make her as comfortable as possible in the time she has left.

Adventures in plastic surgery part 2

Thankfully my surgery is over and I've healed well.  My plastic surgeon was even surprised it went as well as it has.  So yeah!

I'm still not enjoying life with expanders but I am getting used to it.  SO of course they expanded them a little more.  Muscle relaxants are my friends, now more than ever.  Especially at night.  Breast expander pre-op (courtesy of allergen).

But I only have one more expansion left and then will most likely have diep/siep flap reconstruction in the spring.

I went back to work this week.  It was rather eye opening.  Clearly napping and watching netflix the last 6 weeks has done a number on my stamina.  I was one hurting pup coming home that evening.  The next day was better.  I have to keep remembering this whole process is a marathon...not a sprint.


So for now I'm going to enjoy sunny 60 degree Dallas, and rest up for my next surgery.

Well I guess there's also work....3 older kids....but that's just regular life.

OH and one other item of good news I was accepted to present on BRCA including my story this summer at the National Convention of the Association of Woman's Health, Obstetrical and Neonatal Nursing (AWHONN) - my favorite professional organization.
So I have a little work to do on that project as well.  Honored and excited to be accepted to do so.

Ch-ch-changes...

I am now 3 weeks out from a double mastectomy.  It's been a rough few weeks.  But not in the ways I thought it would be.  I was very scared I would miss my breasts.  This hasn't been the case at all.  It feels strange to even write that.  But after having large breasts and always needing to wear a bra. I am really enjoying not wearing a bra and the way my clothing fits now.  Buttoning a blouse for most, is a very common occurrence, but not for me.  There were always gaping areas that needed a safety pin (or 2)! But no longer

I've tossed my large bras and big safety pins...so all good news there.


On the darker side is pain.  I have expanders in to help stretch the muscle and it seems no matter how I sit or lay they are uncomfortable.


And the darkness goes further than that. It feels to me sometimes that once cancer enters your life it seems to stay.  Even if your testing and scans are good...there's still the anxiety of what those results will show.

There is a loss of innocence that you never regain.  Yes, you've have cancer...and yes, it could happen again.

SO you live your life.  I think the not knowing perhaps makes life a little sweeter, more precious.

You look at your new body as a (for the most part) good upgrade

You learn to re-navigate the bra dept.  No more supportive/minimizer bras for me...ever.
But that leaves lots of territory to explore.  Territory I have never even looked at and frankly find ...intimidating.

I confess to finding my old favorite maximizer bra on the sale rack, to to pet it good bye.

on to smaller and better things :)

EXHALE......

Long before I started my blog I thought about the day I would discover I had cancer.  I know that sounds awful, but when so many people in your family have walked that line, you just wonder when your turn will be.  In our family there was even a little mantra about "if you get past 50...you're good".

So I grew up, got married, had babies and ....waited.  I went for my mammograms, and ultrasounds and every other testing my doctors recommended.

At age 50 I discovered my BRCA1 mutation.  2 weeks short of my 51st birthday I was diagnosed with cancer.


Almost 2 weeks ago I had a double mastectomy.  I steadied myself knowing if something was found at least it was small.  My surgical reports show NO cancer.  NONE.

There was some precancerous stuff found, which just goes to show, I made the right choice again.

 I am thankful.  grateful.  That this evening I can finally...

EXHALE.

The Other Side of the Mountain

I had a double mastectomy 11/19.  Hopefully preventative, although we don't get the full pathology report back till tomorrow. The past week has been filled with drugs of every type.  Since I gag just hearing the word "Morphine" I had a lovely epidural in addition to my IV pca pump along with lots of good anti nausea meds for good measure.  My pain levels have been tolerable, but some of the dreams have been a little disconcerting.  I've had several conversations with my dad (who died 8 yrs ago), worked on policy and procedure protocols I can no longer recollect.  Some days I just plain lost track of what day it was,  and frankly didn't even care.

I've been better since I've gotten home.  Taking my meds by mouth and dealing with the 4 drains attached to me.  I'm hoping to shed one, two (or more!) of those drains in the next few days.

In terms of my breasts.  I have small adolescent breasts, no nipple, larger suture lines with hard-ish expanders underneath.  I've been told they look like they're supposed to.  SO for now I guess that will do.

One think I do know for sure is that as soon as I am free of these drains I will be shopping for any kind of blouse or dress I could NOT wear due bra requirements.

Because I now have NONE.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

A Fond Farewell

The time is quickly drawing near for the first of my breast surgeries. I will be having a double mastectomy on Thursday Nov. 19th.  

Naturally this has been a hard decision.  Not that I need my breasts or that they define who I am.  But they are a part of my body that for most say 

"Woman"

When I knew I was going to lose my hair to chemo, a wise friend told me that my hair did NOT define who I was.  I took that thought to heart.  I still do.  Although this time it's my breasts.

Be it my wedding day

or feeding my babies

My breasts have been a large part of my life.

But none of that defines me.

So it is with sadness I say goodbye to a part of me that has taken me from 

"crayons to perfume"

It makes me cry.

Not going to lie. 

Half Baked Genetic Testing

Direct to consumer genetic testing is becoming more popular.  I am not completely sure how I feel about that.  I think getting tested if you are at risk is certainly a positive.  However there are some major drawbacks to getting tested without a genetics counselor.

Oh sure, I may have been able to spit into a tube or scrape the inside of my cheek...send it to a lab somewhere and get my BRCA1+ result.  

That is the EASY part.

BUT

Would I have known what to do with that result?

Sadly, I think not.

That lapse could have resulted in a stage 3 or 4 cancer diagnosis instead of a stage 1

and that my friends *is* HUUUUGE 

(said in my best Donald Trump mocking voice)

I think it's a bit like having some of the ingredients for a complicated recipe...but not actually having the recipe.

So are you missing a key ingredient?  How exactly are those ingredients combined and what is your desired result?

Not only can a genetics counselor take a detailed family history to pinpoint the specific genes to test for, they can also tell you the risks of your mutation, if your tests come back positive.

They also can help you set up appointments and further preventative testing so that you are accurately screened and cared for in a manner specific to the mutation you carry.

For me...that was life saving.

Within a month of my brca1+ diagnosis I had met with my breast surgeon and gyn oncologist, had a mammogram, a pelvic ultrasound and blood work drawn.

I began the process of scheduling my first prophylactic surgery.

All of this occurred while I was working full time, and in the process of selling a home, buying a home AND moving my family cross country.

Being completely honest, if I had done a mail order test I am very sure I would not have done much else, given all the other events going on in my life at that time.

So yes, I support genetic testing

BUT GENETIC COUNSELING SAVED MY LIFE

Because when you cook a complicated recipe I need all of the ingredients AND the information to make it.

In this case, that recipe was my life.