The Bad Roommate

So hey...it's been awhile!

I have hair and perky boobs.  Life is good.  Very good.

My body is still healing from surgery in some ways, but is starting to feel more normal.

My breast surgeon changed me to yearly clinical exams and I'm only seeing my oncologist every 6 months.

This means at some point in the very near future I may not be seeing a doctor every month or more for some sort of cancer related issue.  As much as I love my doctors I can do without appointments if I'm don't need to go.

I've also moved past the whole cancer a a very scary monster, which it is.  However it's hard to live with that staring you in the face everyday.

So I'm choosing to view my cancer history as a bad roommate.  Yes, we've lived together.  No we don't get along.  But we both have a life time lease on the same body, so we'll coexist and only speak when we have to.

I've had my share of bad roomies.  There was my first roommate in college, who ironed her underwear and had a very loud ticking wind up alarm clock (ok.. it was 1981).  That damn clock used to keep me awake until one night our next door neighbor took it apart and removed a spring.  We all found it quite funny when Helen couldn't figure out what had happened to her clock.  If you're out there Helen...I'm sorry.

Learning to live with my cancer hopefully, in the background isn't easy.  But I'm not giving a bad roommate anymore of my time.  

EXHALE......

Long before I started my blog I thought about the day I would discover I had cancer.  I know that sounds awful, but when so many people in your family have walked that line, you just wonder when your turn will be.  In our family there was even a little mantra about "if you get past 50...you're good".

So I grew up, got married, had babies and ....waited.  I went for my mammograms, and ultrasounds and every other testing my doctors recommended.

At age 50 I discovered my BRCA1 mutation.  2 weeks short of my 51st birthday I was diagnosed with cancer.


Almost 2 weeks ago I had a double mastectomy.  I steadied myself knowing if something was found at least it was small.  My surgical reports show NO cancer.  NONE.

There was some precancerous stuff found, which just goes to show, I made the right choice again.

 I am thankful.  grateful.  That this evening I can finally...

EXHALE.

The Other Side of the Mountain

I had a double mastectomy 11/19.  Hopefully preventative, although we don't get the full pathology report back till tomorrow. The past week has been filled with drugs of every type.  Since I gag just hearing the word "Morphine" I had a lovely epidural in addition to my IV pca pump along with lots of good anti nausea meds for good measure.  My pain levels have been tolerable, but some of the dreams have been a little disconcerting.  I've had several conversations with my dad (who died 8 yrs ago), worked on policy and procedure protocols I can no longer recollect.  Some days I just plain lost track of what day it was,  and frankly didn't even care.

I've been better since I've gotten home.  Taking my meds by mouth and dealing with the 4 drains attached to me.  I'm hoping to shed one, two (or more!) of those drains in the next few days.

In terms of my breasts.  I have small adolescent breasts, no nipple, larger suture lines with hard-ish expanders underneath.  I've been told they look like they're supposed to.  SO for now I guess that will do.

One think I do know for sure is that as soon as I am free of these drains I will be shopping for any kind of blouse or dress I could NOT wear due bra requirements.

Because I now have NONE.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

Patience Is a Virtue

I am almost 3 weeks out from my last chemo treatment.

For the past 4 months this is the day I'd be getting myself ready for yet another round of chemo

and all the yuck that comes after.

So I am very thankful to be finished with all of that.

However 

I am impatient to be back to normal again

which means

HAIR!

No neuropathy (numbness/pain) in my hands and feet

Better stamina

Decreased anxiety

Right now, none of the above seem to be happening very fast and I have to say while it may be unrealistic to expect all the above

I do...

And I want it NOW!

Somewhere in my mind there's a very small voice that keeps telling me maybe I will have to adjust to a new normal

And I am not liking that at.all

Thanksgiving...it's more than just dinner

We had a really nice Thanksgiving.  I think we all ate too much, but having all my kids and my sister under the same roof was amazing.  We made and ate lots of delicious food, drank some good wine and laughed quite a bit.

The smell of Turkey cooking will always be a favorite smell for me.

A few days before thanksgiving I had the usual pre chemo appointment with my Oncologist.  She is a terrific doctor, but a bit of a straight shooter.  She can be a little blunt.  I remember prior to my surgery I had said to her I felt lucky " being BRCA 1+ to have gotten to 50 and not had cancer" and she replied "Well, we really can't say that...yet"

Gotta admit I was a little ticked by that response

However 1 month later at my post op appointment I discovered she was right.  I did in fact, have cancer.

I guess as a GYN Oncologist, she'd...uh...done this before ;)

So at my appointment a few days ago, we were discussing the "home stretch" 2 more treatments, another month and I would be finished with my treatment.  We talked about follow up.  I'd be seen every 3 months for the next 2 years, then every 6 months till 5 years and then yearly after that.

But most importantly she told me she felt I would be CURED when I finished treatment.

CURED.

WOW!

And coming from my doctor, who is very detail and research oriented...I was surprised and happy.

I'll be honest in saying I don't completely trust it, as I don't trust cancer.

Am I going to hold my breath before those future check ups and blood work, praying nothing is amiss?

You betcha.

But maybe cancer has taught me one very important lesson:

you never know what's going to happen tomorrow so

Appreciate TODAY.

Because it truly is a PRESENT

Some other things I'm working on

I think 1 and 2 may be the hardest, at least for me ;)