Ease on down the road

 

I celebrated another birthday over the weekend. One thing about surviving cancer?  I don't care about getting older anymore.  It's a option I almost didn't have. So more birthdays...is always a GREAT thing!

I'm finally feeling normal again. Also good.  

Sure, I still have some neuropathy in my feet, but I have a feeling that may just be the new normal for me.  But more importantly my stamina is coming back. For the past year getting to work and back was just about all I could handle. Now I am focused on some work projects, home projects, traveling and perhaps a new hobby...writing.

And it all feels good.  

Really good.

I've also decided to get moving on my next set of surgeries.  I had an appointment last week with my new plastic surgeon. I have started the process of having  preventative mastectomy surgery in November with reconstruction to follow next spring.

The whole thought of "preventative" surgery makes me cringe a little.  Since that was how my ovarian cancer was discovered.  Yes it was preventative...it prevented me from dying. .  

Hoping this time will be different.  But if they find cancer, they find it early.

I may be the poster child for that :)

I have to admit the thought of losing my breasts is hard.  I am struggling with it.

But today when I was shopping I realized I have had to work my wardrobe around my breasts since I was 15.  Being large breasted is truly a pain...in the chest.

So here's to preventative surgery...whatever it may prevent.  Cancer or death.  Perhaps both?

And here's to wearing cute bras without massive support, camisoles with thin straps and backless shirts.  

Silver lining?  CHECK!

Maybe even a rainbow...

FOCUS

I'm starting to look at what comes next after cancer treatment.  Which is such a happy thing and yet scary as well.  When I was diagnosed back in August, all the plans I had for the next year went out the window.  We had just moved to a new home and I had been accepted to a new graduate school program.  All of that needed to be put on hold.  If I'm being honest my thought pattern felt a little like this:

Focused on chemo and cancer...yes, but in a sickening and dizzy way.

It was a time to batten down the hatches and get ready to fight.  Which I did.  My family has as well. 

SCARY as hell.  And yet, coming out the other side it has changed me in a way that I know is going to make me a better person.  

I feel a little like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life"

Cancer may have been my "Clarence"

A wake up call before it's too late to appreciate all the good things in life without all the insignificant crap that really doesn't mean anything in the long run.

Looking forward to a new focus and hoping when life becomes crazy again

 (as I know it will) 

I remember to focus on what's really important 

The people who really matter and let go of the rest.