Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Week

This week is National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Week (HBOC), which is fitting since September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I love our ribbon as it encompasses both breast and ovarian cancers

While I give my breast cancer sisters kudos for the amazing efforts that have helped make huge strides in early detection and better treatment of breast cancer.

Sometimes

I get a little tired of pink..

There I said it.

While breast cancer affects more woman.

Ovarian cancer is more deadly as we have no way to detect it early

Only 15% of ovarian cancers are detected early

:(

So to all my dear friends I ask you

Starting to come out of my chemo fog...

Hopefully a better day ahead.

Post Chemo Blues.. Part 2

This round of chemo seems to be going a little better.  Changing up some of the meds to deal with the aches and numbness...is helping.

My sister came up last night with some awesome dinner from Fadi's (great mediterranean/turkish food) and I was actually able to eat a bit of chicken and hummus...and more importantly it tasted GOOD!

And then we had my chemo buddies.  My furbaby Lily, a collie and my furnephew Bennie a little shih tzu.  I love these dogs so much.  They always make me smile and are so loyal

Lily in full fur:

And Lily post shave when Texas proved a little too hot for all that fur

Poor baby!

But I swear everyday she looks at me and goes, "Don't worry about your hair mom, it's all gonna grow back...ask me how I know?"

And then there's Bennie who is the perfect napping companion

So even though I may not feel well, my family and furbabies keep me cozy and loved.  

Which I know makes my treatments feel so much better.

Post Chemo Blues...part 1

It's becoming a pattern...the day after chemo I feel fairly good and start to think, "hmmm, maybe this isn't so bad after all." This is most likely due to all those steroids they give pre chemo.

And then comes day 2 post chemo.

Where nothing looks good, feels good and all I want to do is sleep...if I can.

The hardest past?  I have no concentration, so reading or binge watching TV doesn't work.

My short term memory is shot and I ask my poor husband and kids the same questions all the time.

Thankfully they are patient and know it'll pass.

I hope they're right.

Meet my new little friend and Hammer Time....Chemo #2

Yesterday I made a new little friend.  I like to think of him as my very own Minion.

Going thru chemo is very hard on veins.  So my medical team recommended placing a medport for Chemo as well as the frequent blood draws I get to monitor my treatment.

My last IV site looks like this:

And this was a good IV stick—1st try!

So I agreed to a power port.  I had a 20 minute procedure to insert it and now will not be needing any more vein sticks till I am finished with treatment!  

This is what the powerport looks like inside:

They use a special locking needle and sterile technique when accessing it for blood work or Chemo.

This is a picture of my minion -non-accessed 1 day after insertion and honestly it doesn't really hurt

Eventually the little steristrip dressing will fall off on it's own in the next week or two.

And this is what it looks like when it's accessed for chemo

So I welcome with affection my little Minion who will do my bidding to kick cancer to the curb.

And today was HAMMER TIME #2

I now have 1/3 of my treatments done...WOOT!

Since I have had some neuropathy (numbness) in my feet and fingertips, which is a side effect of my particular chem (Taxol).  My Oncologist suggested some B6 supplements, and put me on Lyrica.

I also got these really cool ice booties while I was getting taxol today

(get it...really...cool?)

The thought is the coolness decreases circulation to the area which decreases chemo to my feet and will hopefully slow the progression of the neuropathy

and of course Roberta was back to hang out for a while

 A nice picture of my better half, my husband Dave:

And of course a shot of me in my cozy hat courtesy of Maggie:

Home now, feeling a little funky.  I know the next few days are going to be a little rough. But this

time I think I have a better idea on how to deal with the pain and fuzziness 

Lastly, a quote from a favorite singer..Pink:

Bring it on

This past week has been a mixture of things that go wrong, hair falling out, dread....

and

Everything that is so right with my life.

First the bad:

Being bumped out of the closer parking lot at work

Numb feet

Tripping and falling on a curb on my way into work

My backordered wig

My leave being approved for the wrong number of days

My husband needing minor surgery

But as my husband always reminds me, into every sunny day a little rain must fall.

 Now the good:

Spending time with my family

A better (and cheaper) wig!

A husband who is healing well (surgery a success)

A manager who is understanding

and painting pool side

And a chance to stop and smell the roses my friends at work sent me.

Physically I'm feeling so much better that it hurts to think about having a port put in tomorrow and chemo on Thursday.

And yet, I have to remember that I'm in it, to win it.  

So in order to hammer my alien cancer I will be donning my best Ellen Ripley impression

and kicking some cancer ass in the infusion room on Thursday

BRING. IT. ON.

Starry, Starry Night

Starting to dread going into my next chemo session this week.  Coupled with a minor surgery to place a mediport to receive chemo means lots of hospital time/meds and feeling like....crap.

One of the bright spots in my week last week was the Dallas Force Support group.

FORCE (facing our risk of cancer empowered) is a group dedicated to BRCA+ women as well as women who are high risk for developing cancer.  At the meeting I met some really great woman.  Some were previvors, others survivors...but all were stuck in the same genetic cancer boat as me.

At least our boat is full of great people!

Anyhow...

We did a little art therapy called "wrecked books"

You choose an old book and rip out pages.

Then use it to journal "artistically" 

I had forgotten just how much I loved all things art related in grade school!

With a paint brush, set of water colors and a can of water I could almost *be* back in first grade.

No worries, chatting with my friends and creating.

It made me feel so happy and relaxed.

So today I'm going to buy some watercolors and paper and start painting.

Because it's good for my soul

A Farewell to ... my hair

Ahhhh....

Yes, the day I had been dreading has arrived.

When I knew I would be starting chemo, my next question was, "when will I lose my hair?"  Due to the type of Chemo I'm on (Taxol/Carbol) I was told it would be between 2-3 weeks after the first treatment.

Last Sunday night when I got out of the shower I discovered the process was starting when my body hair decided to go brazilian.

Slowly my hair has been shedding.

Before I was diagnosed I thought you lost hair like this:

As in "poof! all gone"

But it actuality is more like this:

And while I admit I cried a little when I realized it was falling out.  

After the first 2 days it just got annoying.  

Hair loss tip:  When your hair is falling out, greasing up with baby oil and then blowing your hair dry...may not be a good idea.  I was oiled...and feathered. 

So I shaved it all off this am.

It was almost anti-climatic.

And it feels....so good :)

and a final word or 3...

Fuck you cancer.  

Cancer Christmas

Since I've been diagnosed and started treatment I have been fortunate to have received some amazing and thoughtful care packages from friends and family all over the country.  In fact it makes me tear up a bit because well...you just never know how lonely life can be until you're feeling sick.  I confess every time one of those packages hits my doorstep it makes me smile.  It feels like my favorite robe wrapped around me on Christmas morning while sipping hot cocoa and watching my kids open presents from Santa.

Mmmmmm

yeah....that good :)

At first it felt a little strange to me.  I've always been someone who gives.  I was always fortunate to be someone who *could* give.  Giving always felt good.  And one of my personal mottoes was always:

"We make a living from what we get.  We make a life from what we give"

(I have no idea who wrote it.  Someone at work got it in a fortune cookie and we hung it on the wall at the desk...true story)

My other motto:

Hope for the best 

Be prepared for the worst

And take whatever comes with a smile

(Courtesy of Sister Rose's desk- my high school biology teacher)

So Sister Rose, I am trying.  

I am enjoying my "Cancer Christmas" as my son calls it.  But more importantly

I'm enjoying and gaining strength from so much love and support the universe seems to throwing my way.

And along with all sorts of nice cozy things are some pretty awesome wishes.  

When I came a across this one...it made me laugh out loud

(Yes, Kim..you made the blog)

And thank you to all of my friends and family.  Your thoughts, prayers, gifts, calls and emails fill my soul every day

OOXX

So they say it's your Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me!

Celebrating a birthday while fighting cancer put a whole new spin on it.  I've always loved my September birthday and have been quite fond of the fact, I was born on a "Friday the 13th".  This year instead of looking forward to a nice dinner out with my family and of course, cake.  I'm looking forward to a new beginning of life.  

One of the gifts cancer has given me is a new appreciation for almost everything.  Every day I wake up and think "Make it count".  Because you never realize how sweet life is, until you're told you could lose it.  

One of my dear friends Mary, sent me a book (Hi Mar! I got it!) which I've been reading and loving.

It's entitled 365 Prescriptions for the Soul by Dr. Bernie Siegel.  Every day there's a new prescription to think about.  Today's prescription was called "Beginnings" and focused on the fact that most endings are in fact beginnings.  That's why we call a graduation, a "commencement" ...not a termination.

So my 51st birthday...

I'm considering my 1st birthday with a new awareness.  

To make it count.  To do the work I know I need and love to do.  To appreciate my family and friends. To enjoy how sweet things are, even when chemo makes them a little...sour.  

NOW

Did someone say........Chocolate Cake?

The BRCA Dilemma

I want to talk a little more about BRCA testing and what all of that means.

When I decided to be tested for a BRCA mutation I knew a few things

-I had several female relatives who had passed away at young ages from breast and ovarian cancer
-I had a cousin who had developed breast cancer and was found to carry a mutation

I was seen by the cancer genetics department and determined by a genetic counselor to be a candidate for testing.  I had the blood drawn and received my positive results about 3 weeks later.  Because we did not know if my father carried the mutation, my chance at the time of the test was a 1 in 4 chance of being positive.  Since my test was positive we now know my dad was a carrier, which means my siblings have a 50/50 shot of being positive.

Once you know you carry this mutation, the conversation starts about how to mitigate the risk of developing cancer.  Basically that means either:
-Surveillance- MRI/Mammogram every 6 months as well as Pelvic U/S and Ca125
-Surgery- Ovarian removal and bilateral mastectomies

I'm not sure many people really "get" how hard that is.


NO ONE wants to have mutilating surgery.  NO ONE.

Actually I never realized how much I loved my breasts until I realized I was going to lose them at some point really sunk in.  They've always been too big...and I hate having to buy big bras with essentially steel frames to support them.  And they've always been that way, since I was 15.

I thought maybe a reduction might be nice...but I never seriously considered it.  Much less complete mastectomy and reconstruction.

Many considered Angelina Jolie crazy to have had risk reducing surgery.

 To me she is a hero.  

And sometimes during your risk reducing surgery...they find cancer.

That's what happened to me.

In one moment I went from a Previvor to a Survivor.

So I ask you...

For me, the true silver lining is the knowledge to prevent a worse alternative.  Be it early detection or preventative surgery.  I will survive and be the first woman to have beaten ovarian cancer in my family.

Cold front in Texas

Having just moved from the northeast to Texas, the weather forecast is one of my finer forms of entertainment.  Currently they are going crazy about a cold front that's descending into North Texas.

It's going to get down...all the way....to a .....chilly....

77 degrees!

LOL

It feels so nice out after being 90 or better since May.

Since food is finally starting to taste good, I decided to do something I love.

Bake.

I decided in honor of the end of summer and our impending arctic front I'd make a double batch of Zucchini bread with some mini chocolate chips.

Meet my partner in crime....my mixer Elmo, isn't he handsome?

I like a recipe out of the Silver Palate Cookbook, I just replace half the oil with greek yogurt to make it a little healthier


Here we go...2 nice sized loaves.  Since I have teens and a husband who has a great appetite, anything like this, needs at least a double batch.

And here we have ....ZUCCHINI BREAD!

I wish you could smell it...Mmmmmmm

And a thought for the day:

Just meant to be

Today I received a lovely care package from my brother's family.

The package included a quilt made by my nieces. According to my sister in law Amy, last year during lent their church had a weekly quilting workshop for all ages and they focused on making quilts for cancer patients. The kids all chose a cancer and then would design the quilt for that cancer's "color". They would then package the quilt along with funny movies/books/journal and other items. As soon as they finished a quilt, it would seem someone who had that particular cancer would be diagnosed. When I was diagnosed my SIL called the coordinator to see if there were any quilts left...there was only 1 left. 


It was for ovarian cancer. My quilt. 

This makes me feel very happy, hopeful.  

Just meant to be...

Going with the flow

Those of you who know me, know I'm a planner.

It's what I do.

Whether it's a vacation, getting into graduate school or simply trying to find the most effective means to get all of my errands done in one trip.  For better or worse...I'm a planner.

The problem with planning?  I really hate when something messes with my plan.

Now I will fully say, sometimes a change in plans becomes a positive, once I accept it.

Cancer

Maybe the biggest unplanned event of all.

But I think what's harder is to accept that things are going to be different.  For a while.

Maybe a long while.

Maybe that's ok?

So maybe the plan is to relax and not have any expectations.

Turning Lemons into Lemonade

Sometimes it's hard to think...WHY Now?

Or even...Why me?


So I'm trying to re frame that in my head.  Thankfully I've always been an eternal optimist, might come in handy when coping with cancer, eh?

When I was diagnosed with stage 1b fallopian tube cancer, it was a shock.  I felt so healthy.  To now be facing chemo seemed...almost crazy.

I might have been a little mad too.  After working so hard on a long distance move, and now when we we're done, and enjoying our new home...cancer?

HOWEVER.

There is a huge silver lining in all this that I need to keep reminding myself.

According to my doctor, had I waited even 6 more months for this surgery, I would have been looking at a stage 3 to 4 tumor,

Which would have been FAR, FAR worse.


Actually only 15% of ovarian cancers are diagnosed in the early stages.

FIFTEEN PERCENT!

So very lucky.

So I will take my lemons and make some sweet lemonade....

Good thing I like lemons :)

My Achy Breaky....everything

Yesterday evening I started with the aches, pains and feeling ...well a little ickier.

Again, this was on the list of possible things that *could* happen when you get chemo, but I was really  hoping *I* might not.

Now I'm hoping it doesn't stay around too long, much the same way I was hoping this song wouldn't be staying around too long...back in the day:

You never know?  Tomorrow I might feel like I got hit by a wrecking ball...

But I really hope not :)