My mother passed away a week and a half ago. In some ways it feels like so long ago, and in other ways I still can't believe she's gone. My mom grew up in a large family on a farm in Kansas. I have spent all of my life traveling to Kansas. First with my parents and now with my own children. I know some people would be surprised to know that of all the places I have lived and traveled, home was and always will be my family's farm.
Going through hard times whether it be the death of a parent or chemotherapy, the farm has always been my happy place. The place I could close my eyes, imagine waking to the sound of the birds outside and my grandpa's tractor. I could walk down the hall to my grandma in the kitchen. She always had a poptart or a little box of cereal just for me. There were cats to chase, a hayloft to climb into as well as the joy of being surrounded by family. It was always good.
When my mom died I wanted to say a few words at her funeral. Something I was unable to do when my dad died and regretted. I thought of all the things she gave me and taught me throughout my life. One of the best things she ever did was to encourage us to be independent and to try new things. Perhaps it was the best thing...
So that was what I concentrated on when I spoke:
"My mom was born into a loving family. She was smart and funny. She knew how to work hard and was good
at making sure every detail was covered.
But what I think she really excelled at was being open to new
experiences.
As a young child we
moved frequently due to my dad’s job transfers. While most people struggle with change, my parents seemed to
welcome it. As a family we looked
at every move as a new adventure.
New places to see, new people to meet and new experiences to be had.
One of my earliest memories is of my
parents setting off on a cross country transfer from Kansas to Los Angeles.
I was 3. I spent the trip sitting on
the armrest of the front seat of our car between my parents, something she used to joke, would have got her arrested these days.
In later years, my mom had talked about how homesick she was
those early days in California and how much she missed her family in
Kansas.
But as a child I never saw
that side of her.
What I saw was
my young and very glamorous parents driving to California where there was going
to be move stars, beaches and most importantly... Disneyland!
I distinctly remember having dinner at a fancy restaurant on that
trip...it was a Denny’s.
My mother
encouraged me to order something different that I’d never tried off the
menu...it was spaghetti.
And that
was how it went throughout my life.
My mother encouraged all 3 of us kids to do our best (sometimes let say
she STRONGLY encouraged that). To be independent and to try new things. She loved to laugh and had one of the sharpest minds of anyone I
have ever known. She loved her
kids, grand kids and family immensely.
I feel incredibly blessed that she was my mom and that we had her for as
long as we did. In the end as her
lung disease progressed it was truly her strong will and faith that kept her going. So today I stand in front of you all
...Rita’s family and friends and I join you in wishing her only the best as she
starts her next journey. I know
she is no longer suffering and is enjoying her new adventure. Enjoy yourself mom, we will miss
you."
I was pleased to see so many cousins and long time family friends at my mother's funeral. Somehow knowing that people knew her and loved her as much as we did was so very comforting.
After the funeral we headed back to the farm. Many of my aunts, uncles and cousins had already gathered there. We rode around the pasture, looked in the barn and as the sky darkened all the kids (both young and old) played "ghost in the graveyard", "hide and go seek" and "sardines". Just like we did as kids...and as our parents had before us....and their parents had before them. We ate, drank beer, played cards and laughed.
I could almost see my mom sitting on the porch and smiling that evening.
