Just meant to be

Today I received a lovely care package from my brother's family.

The package included a quilt made by my nieces. According to my sister in law Amy, last year during lent their church had a weekly quilting workshop for all ages and they focused on making quilts for cancer patients. The kids all chose a cancer and then would design the quilt for that cancer's "color". They would then package the quilt along with funny movies/books/journal and other items. As soon as they finished a quilt, it would seem someone who had that particular cancer would be diagnosed. When I was diagnosed my SIL called the coordinator to see if there were any quilts left...there was only 1 left. 


It was for ovarian cancer. My quilt. 

This makes me feel very happy, hopeful.  

Just meant to be...

Going with the flow

Those of you who know me, know I'm a planner.

It's what I do.

Whether it's a vacation, getting into graduate school or simply trying to find the most effective means to get all of my errands done in one trip.  For better or worse...I'm a planner.

The problem with planning?  I really hate when something messes with my plan.

Now I will fully say, sometimes a change in plans becomes a positive, once I accept it.

Cancer

Maybe the biggest unplanned event of all.

But I think what's harder is to accept that things are going to be different.  For a while.

Maybe a long while.

Maybe that's ok?

So maybe the plan is to relax and not have any expectations.

Turning Lemons into Lemonade

Sometimes it's hard to think...WHY Now?

Or even...Why me?


So I'm trying to re frame that in my head.  Thankfully I've always been an eternal optimist, might come in handy when coping with cancer, eh?

When I was diagnosed with stage 1b fallopian tube cancer, it was a shock.  I felt so healthy.  To now be facing chemo seemed...almost crazy.

I might have been a little mad too.  After working so hard on a long distance move, and now when we we're done, and enjoying our new home...cancer?

HOWEVER.

There is a huge silver lining in all this that I need to keep reminding myself.

According to my doctor, had I waited even 6 more months for this surgery, I would have been looking at a stage 3 to 4 tumor,

Which would have been FAR, FAR worse.


Actually only 15% of ovarian cancers are diagnosed in the early stages.

FIFTEEN PERCENT!

So very lucky.

So I will take my lemons and make some sweet lemonade....

Good thing I like lemons :)

My Achy Breaky....everything

Yesterday evening I started with the aches, pains and feeling ...well a little ickier.

Again, this was on the list of possible things that *could* happen when you get chemo, but I was really  hoping *I* might not.

Now I'm hoping it doesn't stay around too long, much the same way I was hoping this song wouldn't be staying around too long...back in the day:

You never know?  Tomorrow I might feel like I got hit by a wrecking ball...

But I really hope not :)

So far...So good

So I survived my 1st chemo treatment pretty well.  Probably the hardest part is getting through all of the amazing amount of teaching that goes on.  I've been home 2 days now, and as long as I take my meds I seem to be doing ok.  Currently I'm taking a steroid 2X a day and a anti nausea med 2X day with another in back up...just in case.  So what the heck?  I take that one too :)


As far side effects I have a little chemo brain going on.  Which basically means I can't remember what happened this morning...it is gone...

And everything seems a little foggy, not my vision per se, but in my brain it's a little like this

Just not QUITE all there!

And things taste a little different.  Like a little tinny.  Not bad yet.  But I can see how it could become a problem

So I'm taking it slow....

Hammer time...Treatment #1

Dave and I woke up early, ate some breakfast and let the dogs out.  Then made our way to the Cancer Center for my first treatment.  Upon arrival I got my blood drawn and then was placed in a chemo infusion room.  Nice cushy recliner, flat screen and...WIFI

I've arrived at this day with fear...mostly of side effects and of the word that shall not be mentioned (reoccurrence  Shhh!).  But I also arrive with hope and an amazing sense of adventure to see where this new path in life will take me.

So I decided to call Chemo days ...Hammer Time.  Because of the song and the period of my life it represents.



I also plan to hammer the shit out of this cancer too....



1st treatment picture picture featuring my new bff Roberta...the IV Pump.

Standing on the edge

Trying to enjoy the last few days of mostly normal life before starting Chemo on Thurs.  I'm reminded of other times in my life when I knew I was at a moment where everything was going to change.  The day we left for the hospital to have our first child, or when we had to place my dad in an Alzheimer's unit as his disease progressed.  But I think the time that stands out the most is when my youngest child was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 5.  I distinctly remember the disbelief, the anger, the sadness...and then eventually the acceptance.  That was over 11 years ago.  While it made a huge difference in our lives then, it is now normal life.  I would even venture to say it's made us all even better people.  SO as I stand on this new cliff looking out on what life will mean during and after chemo.  I'm going to try to focus on how much I'm going to grow as a person and how this new path will open up other avenues in the future.

NOW

Before anyone thinks I've gotten all 'Stuart Smalley' on you

Let me be clear.

I never would have "chosen" this path.  In actuality my brain is still fighting it pretty hard.

I would have picked "none of the above" in the cancer column, if I'd had a choice.