Ch-ch-changes...

I am now 3 weeks out from a double mastectomy.  It's been a rough few weeks.  But not in the ways I thought it would be.  I was very scared I would miss my breasts.  This hasn't been the case at all.  It feels strange to even write that.  But after having large breasts and always needing to wear a bra. I am really enjoying not wearing a bra and the way my clothing fits now.  Buttoning a blouse for most, is a very common occurrence, but not for me.  There were always gaping areas that needed a safety pin (or 2)! But no longer

I've tossed my large bras and big safety pins...so all good news there.


On the darker side is pain.  I have expanders in to help stretch the muscle and it seems no matter how I sit or lay they are uncomfortable.


And the darkness goes further than that. It feels to me sometimes that once cancer enters your life it seems to stay.  Even if your testing and scans are good...there's still the anxiety of what those results will show.

There is a loss of innocence that you never regain.  Yes, you've have cancer...and yes, it could happen again.

SO you live your life.  I think the not knowing perhaps makes life a little sweeter, more precious.

You look at your new body as a (for the most part) good upgrade

You learn to re-navigate the bra dept.  No more supportive/minimizer bras for me...ever.
But that leaves lots of territory to explore.  Territory I have never even looked at and frankly find ...intimidating.

I confess to finding my old favorite maximizer bra on the sale rack, to to pet it good bye.

on to smaller and better things :)