Happy Cancerversary

To me...

A year ago tomorrow I discovered they found high grade aggressive cancer in my fallopian tubes after my "preventative" surgery.  It was the most surreal moment in my life.  To hear the disease I feared the most, had been found was ...terrifying.  I distinctly remember my "nurse" brain trying to hear and process the specifics as my doctor reviewed the surgical pathology report.  While the rest of my brain was screaming "OMG YOU HAVE OVARIAN CANCER! "

I've spent today reflecting on the last year.  My diagnosis, treatment and how much my life has changed since that day.  On the outside I look pretty much the same now.  Oh, my hair is a little shorter and greying.  But inside I am a completely different person. I have added a label to who I am.

I am:
A mother
A daughter
A wife
A sister
A nurse

and

A cancer survivor.

Nothing will ever change any of those things.  They each are a huge part of who I am.

Although I wish I had never seen this side of cancer.  It has brought forth a side of me and my family I am amazed by.  Cancer has stripped us down to the very core.  To appreciate life, family and friends.  To kick negativity to curb.  To realize that perhaps this is where I am meant to be.  


Some people have asked if I am going to continue to blog now that I have gotten through chemo and life has (mostly) returned to normal.

The short answer is yes.

There is so much more to write.

For example there is so much education to be done about genetic cancer from the viewpoint of those affected.  We are the first generation with genetic validation of our fears.  While preventative surgery and surveillance can be lifesaving.  They also open up a whole new set of issues and anxiety.

A few days ago on my commute home from work I was thinking about how I wished I had had my ovaries and tubes removed when I had my hysterectomy 10 years ago.  But we simply didn't have the knowledge then, we have now.  Honestly there are many places that still lack good medical care and genetic counseling for individuals with cancer family histories.

As I drove a little further I realized I have the opportunity RIGHT NOW to beat cancer again by having a double mastectomy and reconstruction before they find breast cancer.  So I have a appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon to start the process.

So yes.  My blog will continue.  My journey goes on....scary and yet I am so very thrilled to be here and to have the option to continue.

 

Russian Roulette...BRCA style

About every three months my brain hits a major speed bump.  That's because I have an appointment for some sort BRCA/cancer related testing.

It feels like a giant game of Russian Roulette

Where you hope to god you hear a "click" and not a "bang"

I try hard not to think about these appointments too much.  After all there is really nothing I can do about them except do the testing and pray.

On top of the "scanxiety" are the mundane factors of...making sure your insurance covers the testing and getting pre authorization for testing.

I've also discovered I am now claustrophobic.  Making MRIs a challenge.  I am hoping I'll get through it with some good drugs on board.  Last year my breast MRI made me so claustrophobic I was nauseous for a day after.  

So yes, I am doing everything I can to screen for early cancer. 

Tomorrow, I am hoping to celebrate a "click"